Abbigail's first day of her Freshman Year!

Abbi's First day of High School
from Mama Fish.

Wow. What can I say. I have been trying to come up with something witty, even clever, to express how it feels to kiss your only daughter on the cheek and wish her a great first day of school- I could not.

This year I am kissing said only daughter on the cheek, before her first day of school,  in the half dark of early morning, while standing in our kitchen with a jolly 2 year old tossing sticky cheerios at me from his highchair desperately trying to get my undivided attention, with my laptop slung over one shoulder, toothpaste on my work blouse, hair in a sloppy knot; this is it, I am old and disheveled… and… wait, what? ‘I am not driving you? Do you have your backpack? Yes Mom. Do you have some money for lunch? Yes Mom. Are you sure you don’t want me or Nate to take you? Yes, Mom… Gawd, it’s like 5 minutes away.’ And so it is with a fright that I have come to realize I’m in the present and this is not the first day of 1st grade, or even 3rd grade but the first day of Freshman year- it’s High School. The backpack is now black as opposed to purple with cute little flowers. The jeans are pretty darn tight and she has virtually handled it all on her own, which is obvious as I stare at the eyeliner framing her doe-like, huge and pretty brown eyes. Snap. Back in reality. Fear sets in. Crap- it’s going to be a long year… probably an excruciatingly long 4 years. Poor me. Oh no, poor Nate. And wait, I am melting down over this, yet, let’s fast forward; I will be sending my baby girl off to college while sending my baby boy to Kindergarten. I am crazy. I am old. Oh god, my birthday is next week… is that like salt in the wounds? I am almost officially grown up. Almost officially “old”. Certifiable- officially nuts. Yeah, totally nuts. Is this how the middle aged people we made fun of and never understood had breakdowns and/ or crisis? Damn, it is, hugh? Karma. God, what if I turn into the momwife of the movie American Beauty? That would suck. Just a few years ago, which seem only like months in mom years, I kissed my funny, toothless, little Boo good-bye as she inserted herself into a single file line and was lead into her classroom by a very sweet teacher to care for her during the hours of education. Trust me when I say that back then, I had no spots on my blouse with sad hair and tired eyes. I was beaming with a young mothers pride. Now my beam is more like a clap-on/ off nightlight, although I am just as proud if not more.In the end I managed to pull out of my panic. I might have made her smile- I am not entirely sure as she was talking to me in the kitchen through the foam and vibration of her toothbrush using single word grunts. Spit. Good. Now, hurry! No wait- I must take a picture just like we do every year, before you jet off… to the underworld of *gasp* teenage hell. Godspeed, child. Godspeed.

Oh, I did get a kiss. An awkwardly quick teenage peck on the cheek which probably left more toothpaste on my face. How funny to notice it was not the sloppy, wet, sincere kiss of your 6 year old... always planted with force, always aiming  for you lips, but missing each time and nailing your nose, chin and mouth  simultaneously. Even kisses grow up. Insert a frowny face.

 Abbi had a great first day- did very well, holding her own and keeping her head high. We are quite proud and happy she was so proud and happy! 

 Abbi has a confidence (of sorts) that I never had, I am so grateful for that. I freak out only in knowing my own limitations, knowing I may not have reached the goals I thought I had so much time to reach, 10 years ago. I joke. I panic. I joke some more, but it's been an awesome, albeit nerve racking, ride. I know I am blessed. I am so happy to have my kids (and Nate) to keep me on my toes. Just when I feel super smart...I get to find out that I am not and learn.  That's why having a teenager makes me feel old, it's just a marker, a milestone that forces you to face your own accountability for each time you said, or even  thought to yourself: '10 years from now I...'  Oh well, at least I got the important stuff right!

  First day- 9th grade- 07 September 2010

How sweet is this flashback. I could not find the Kinder first day photo. Yes folks, no digital camera in my possession back then. But, I did find the first day of 1st grade!  

First Day- 1st grade-  September 2002

Teeth or no teeth- I always love you Boo!

  *Note to Jen: Remember that silly book Tuna Fish Sandwiches? "Big fish eat little fish..."

We both bought one for Abbi & Riley. Like, how silly was that book? But I had to read the dang thing for 3 years, or more. I only just threw it away a while ago. I have no idea why I woke up thinking about that book... but it was funny and it made me think of you and Riley. Oh, now I am double sad... my Riley Quin is in high school, too. Man. No more wrestling and getting beat up in order to steal a kiss from my little man. He's too big for that now and it would just be weird... dare say, wrong. Insert another sad face. 
I am so melancholy.